We too were awake and tossing and turning. Memories of passed people floating thru my head unlike sugar plums dancing in my head however. As far as your comment of should you just get rid of all your memories--you let me know how that is working for you. Unless you can erase your brain I am not sure that is going to work too well for you. Memories are meant as a tool to not only process the relationship but to evaluate it and to grow from it. Now why would one want to "dispose" of those opportunities? I once was accused of making love to my pain. It is true that sometimes we can become so dependent on the feelings of loss that is all that consumes us.
I use that "box" both literally and figuratively. When I need to touch those memories, I get the box out. It is very rare as I know I have to be careful not to "not to make love to my pain"
I have learned that one never stops grieving but we grieve at different levels at different times. I always think about the movie GI Jane when I am grieving and the line where the guy says" You know what the good about pain is? It lets you know you are alive!" I think there is some real truth to that.
As far as waking at 5 in the morning you were blessed with seeing a sunrise. Perhaps Kate's gift to you for the day!
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