actually it's more like a quandary...How do you explain something to someone when that person has no idea what it would be like, what it is, is skeptical, etc? There are a lot of things in this world that I can't explain. My undying obsession with my girl crushes :) (Love Jane Seymour, Sandra Bullock, and Mariska Hargitay the most right now - just fyi), this unending bond with Kate, the way that she knew me in a way that only a true mommy could, the way I tend to get along with people older than me or younger than me than people my own age, why Reiki is good and important, even what Reiki really is, why I am so closeted spiritually although I am very much a spiritual person, why I feel that I was cheated regarding Kate's death, why my mom and I are so close now,the difference between my relationship with mom and mama Kate and how that translates into the loss of a mommy, how much Shelley changed my life and in what ways, how much I really do miss the people I've lost, why I can't grieve openly, why I keep so much to myself and bottled up, who I am, why I'm not as close with people as I used to be, why I don't feel a need to hug everyone I meet any more, where that openly spiritual crazy life loving girl went, and why I feel so damned jaded...lots of things that I can't explain to myself, but more importantly, to others. I feel like people really want to understand my relationship with Kate, my fixations, and who I am...and I want to be able to explain it and then some. I want them to understand the Kate stuff, the Reiki stuff, my spiritual side, why I can't just talk about everything, and why I sometimes seem like I'm lecturing. I want this, but it seems improbable (because nothing is impossible - right?)
XO, J
No comments:
Post a Comment