Bye, bye...

Summit - not really saying erase the memories as much as the things that remind me of her (or her absence). Like the knick knacks, photographs, songs, sometimes even the people. I was starting to be able to deal after 5 years and then I realized I'd never fully deal until I knew what had really happened. I was in the dark as far as details go for 5 years. It was a long time coming, but it somehow seems to have kick started the grieving process again. Maybe I need to grieve differently this time. I don't remember my brain being quite so fixated on it before Martha filled me in on everything. Maybe I'm just deluded...I mean I know there are definitely things that I've apparently blocked out that everyone seems to think I would remember. Not sure what's going on, but apparently I am also the only one who dreams about her. Mom said she does when she dreams, but that she doesn't dream. Then the other night when I was talking to Martha she said she wishes she would dream about her. Ahhh...the dreams they are a blessing and a curse though my friend...they are a reminder of what's no longer here and how great it was. I guess right now I don't really know how to feel about it, but the fact that you say that we never stop grieving...I guess that makes me feel better...and worse all at the same time...and now I've lost my train of thought because work sucks
xo,
J



And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong that you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry
As time goes by

And soon as you reached a better place
Still I'll give the world to see your face
And I'm bragging next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Mariah Carey - "Bye, Bye"